"Prett Boy" Perez
Prez - Los Cojones MCC
I was born and raised in Fucksville Alabama. My family was so poor we had to eat my dog and my little sister. My early years were spent in Birmingham's Young Persons Correctional Institute for a crime I did not do. Here I found God and learnt to write my name. After 10 years I was paroled to fight The Gook in Viet Nam. Unfortunately I was captured and force fed Napalm and LSD. After a dishonourable discharge I spent 30 years in Alcatraz for a triple axe murder, which I was innocent of. Here the Mexican gangs made me their bitch and raped me mercilessly and I still can't walk normal. On release I found a good job at Burger King and settled down with my wife Britney and our 12 kids. I now ride for Christ, Mohammed and the devil himself Donald Trump.
"The Reverend" Perez
Chaplain - Los Cojones MCC
I grew up in Peckerhead, Missouri, where my Daddy was a Preacher man and taught me the ways of our Lord - and much more which I don't like to talk about. I now ride for the love of Jesus Christ and and world peace, as most unfortunately I am no longer allowed to teach at Sunday School. I swear on my Mamma's life I never touched that kid. I love children - maybe sometimes a little too much. I now know that Satan is everywhere, even in my underpants. Praise the Lord!
"Hands off" Perez
Treasurer - Los Cojones MCC
I was raised in an orphanage in Armpit, Kentucky. I didn't have much, and what I had I kept for myself. We were so poor I had to wear my big sisters clothes and this unfortunately attracted the attention of the very strange Reverend Perez. At Christmas we all got a piece of coal and I still got them. It was dog eat dog and I still like to chew on a chihuahua today. You can look at my motorcycle but if I catch you sitting on it I'll stab you in the eye.
"The Kid" Perez
Road Master - Los Cojones MCC
I once rode from Nashville to El Salvador without even stopping for a piss. Roads are for riding and when I'm on my cycle not even the Lord himself can slow me down. I was raised in the mean streets of Tarporley, Illinois where my only comfort was playing my ghetto music loud. Take That, One Direction and Dolly Parton all helped make me the man I am today. Some say its the devil's music but I shake my booty to it anyhow. When I'm planning a Cojones road trip I crank up the awesome 2-4-6-8 Motorway on my jukebox and let the good time roll.
"Tiny Cojones" Perez
Sergeant at Arms - Los Cojones MCC
Peace, love and Dixie.
Web Stuff - Los Cojones MCC
I was born a Yellow Labrador in Labrador but it was so goddamned cold I moved to West Hartlepool at the age of 10 and never looked back. The people in the North were very kind to me. They taught me to speak with a Geordie accent and later I was given a job as a spy by the head of MI6. I went all over the world to places like Moscow, Istanbul and Ulaan Bataar. No one ever suspected I would come back and report it all to my MI6 handlers. They paid me very well and I became wealthy enough to retire to the leafy suburbs where I was given some new knees which enabled me to meet my Labrador friends in the park again. I sometimes wonder if it was all a dream!
"Black Sheep" Perez
Hotel Liaison Officer - Los Cojones MCC
I was raised in a poor Mexican mining village where we sang "Land of our Fathers" when we had nothing to eat. Often we ate grass and when the local men got drunk they would trouble my Mother in the field. The worst offender was The Reverend Perez and we all hid from him. We used to sing an old slave song "Men of Harlech" to keep warm. When I was big enough I left the village to follow my hero Max Boyce and work in a mine. We sang "Myfanwy" to pass the time. Now I ride a motorbike (with difficulty) and like to sing "Delilah" to make me go faster. Viva Mexico!
"Pie Shagger" Perez
Prospect - Los Cojones MCC
He was raised by a pack of whippets in the extremely poor North. Aged 10 he ran away from his job in the mill with only the rags on his back and his pet ferret for company. He headed to London where it was said the streets were paved with gold but unfortunately he met The Reverend Perez while sleeping rough. He spent the next 10 years attending parties of a questionable nature dressed as Gracie Fields entertaining the men with his ukulele and his disgusting party trick with pies. Since being rescued from the alternative party scene he has become a born again churchgoer. He still keeps a ferret in his trousers and is much in demand as an expert on all things Northern.